Thursday, January 14, 2016

On Being Single

If I was to jump back two years, the idea of being single would horrify me. At that point, I’d been in a relationship for over two years, with about a month in between that and my last relationship of fourteen months. I hadn’t been single since I was 17, but in September 2014 I found myself in that situation again.

It’s been almost a year and a half since my last relationship ended, and I have grown so much in that time. At the start of last year I realised that I wasn't going to spend months pining over my ex, but I was going to proactively do more for myself, and try and work out who I was in this new state. I wasn't exactly a new person, but it definitely led me to change. 2015 was the year that more doors opened, the year that I believed in myself and the year that I finally let myself be happy.

I'm not going to say dating was off the books. I put it off for a while. I actually put it off until my ex was in a new relationship, and then decided it was the right time to see what happened. It wasn’t me reciprocating to him being in a relationship, but more that I’d put it off in case I hurt any feelings, and it was time to stop feeling like that.

I've been on one date since then. One date with a guy that I got on well with and was talking to a lot, who then stopped talking before we went on a second. It wasn’t that the date was horrible, but it made me realise that I wasn't too bothered about forcing myself to do it.

I will admit it, I've had days where I wished I was still in a relationship. Days where I missed having someone I could talk to all day or spend time with, when I haven't been able to do that with friends. I don't miss the relationship I was in, but sometimes I miss not having days where I feel alone.

For now though, I've decided that as fun as swiping left and right on Tinder may be, I'm not going to force myself into dating. I turn twenty-three on Sunday, and to be honest I believe now is the best time to be single. I’m happy as I am at the moment, exploring who I am and how I can learn to love myself. Being single isn’t a bad thing. Being single is my choice.

“Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.” - Mandy Hale

As Taylor Swift put it, I'm happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way, and that is completely fine by me.

Sophie x
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